Earth Quake and the Tsunami in Asia 2004

Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America Giant Tsunami of AIDS hits America

BOSTON, MASS (AMERICAN NEWS SERVICES) - A giant tsunami of AIDS hit the east and west coasts of the United States simultaneously today, causing numerous casualties and uncountable human suffering. The wave impacted at 8:03.32 EST, when most people were preparing for their 45-minutes commutes to work.

Immediate submissive and passive behavior followed, culminating in a rolling pile of writhing bodies engaged in all forms of anal sex and gay fellatio. Further, the atmosphere around California outleast became "downright fruity," according to Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger, who quickly followed his statement with a glance at the polls and, "But we support that, of course."

A tsunami is a rolling undersea wave created by a massive shock or earthquake, and can race across the ocean floor at speeds of up to 500 miles per hour before being channeled upward by the slanted coastline, producing waves up to 50 feet tall that come crashing down on helpless victims.

"I have asked the President to declare a state of emergency and impose martial law," said New Jersey acting governor Richard J. Codey. "Federal aid alone can address this devastating event, and with any luck, they'll be wearing well-cut matching uniforms." As he said this to a press conference, a ripple of delighted sighing passed through the audience.

AIDS, or Acquired Immunodeficiency Syndrome, is a disease which attacks the body's defenses against disease and turns them against the body itself, much as a submissive philosophy encourages one to pity one's enemies and turn the other (glutteal) cheek. Originally called GRID, or Gay-Related Immune Disease, the disease was named AIDS after gay groups objected, threatening the paychecks of doctors and researchers alike.

In New Jersey, the giant wave caused vast demographic shifts toward lifestyles centered around submissive sexuality, in addition to outbreaks of lisping and Village People impersonators, and the City Courthouse to turn bright pink. "I think it's safe to say we're in a New America," said Codey. "The old America was boldly asserting oneself against the frontier, but the New America is being ready to take any good-looking cock that comes along deep into your digestive tract."

Hispanic groups massed on the Mexican border and prepared to surge across into a newly-receptive America, while boatloads of Haitians, who have more experience with AIDS than any other group except young gay urban professionals, circled near the coastline of American cities selected by The Jewish Review as "most tolerant." On boat 3417, refugee and freedom fighter Mbeko Hassan Washington Khan said, "America is about opportunity, and while the orifice is open, we are taking ours!"

As Federal Emergency Management Association workers, dressed in bright pastels, descended upon the afflicted area with sushi, condoms, lubricant and lime jell-o, lawmakers gathered in Washington, D.C., to discuss the New American outlook. "Gone are the days of manly self-assertion, domination and warfare," said Senator Barack Obama (D-Illinois). "We're talking openly with the Iraq resistance about simply opening a franchise for our government and importing sexy men who can't grow moustaches."

The disaster took an unusually high toll, said Codey, because when the wave reared up on the coastline, most victims took refuge in churches and leftist coffee bars, where the greatest concentration of the wave hit. "They were destroyed in exactly the places they saw as refuge," wept Codey. "I can only empathize."

Reaction was mixed worldwide. German Chancellor Gerhard Schröder expressed surprise. "I'm amazed it was even noticed, since Americans have been passive whiny queens bitching in front of their televisions since 1944 or so," he said. In Israel, Prime Minister and Rassenfuehrer Ariel Sharon sent his best wishes to America, saying, "Israel has always had a wonderful submissive partner in the United States."

Asked if he thought the "New America" would be able to sustain its submissive lifestyle without going bankrupt, Schwarzeneger began a lengthy monologue about the need to cut funding for internal programs while not raising taxes but, after whisperings with his advisor, put on a rainbow warrior(tm) ribbon and said simply, "Yeth."

On Wall Street, trader W.J. "Bruce" Willingsworth (formerly Bill "Chunk-Style" Willingsworth) looked pensively to the sky and said, "With change, comes great opportunity, and none of us in the financial community want to miss out. We're lucky it wasn't an ice age, because that would leave only the strong surviving, depriving us of passive sexual partners."