Difference between revisions of "John the Baptist"
Graham grove (talk | contribs) |
|||
| Line 8: | Line 8: | ||
}} | }} | ||
| − | John the | + | John the Stoner was the son of [[Liz Vicious]] and the crack dealer [[Zucchini B. Squash]]. He was a freak baby due to an accidental insemination while Liz was masturbating with a zucchini. The video can be seen at http://www.lizvicious.com As told in the [[Gospel of Luke Skywalker]], <s>he was born to his parents</s> he appeared the next day in Jerry Sienfiled's briefcase, and was not found until he was 2 years old. How he survived is a mystery. Some people think he's Jeebus's cousin but that is a lie, like most biblical stories. |
| − | === | + | ===Early years=== |
| − | + | John first started smoking marijuana when he was 15 years old after witnessing [[Tommy Chong]] eat his vegetable father due to an extreme case of the munchies. He then smoked over 9000 pounds of weed with Tommy and they were both so baked that they masturbated on a frog and that's how [[Noah]] was born. | |
| − | |||
===[[Baptism of Jesus]]=== | ===[[Baptism of Jesus]]=== | ||
| − | + | He drowned Jesus because he was too high. | |
===John's imprisonment and beheading=== | ===John's imprisonment and beheading=== | ||
| + | When they arrested him for the murder of Jesus, they found an 8 ball of cocaine, 5 crack rocks, 2 ounces of weed, 8 ounces of shrooms, 30 sheets of acid, 50 ecstasy pills, and the head of Colonel Sanders. | ||
| + | They TOOK OFF HIS HEAD | ||
===John the Baptist as Elijah the prophet=== | ===John the Baptist as Elijah the prophet=== | ||
| − | It was common belief that Elijah the prophet would return in the days of the promised Messiah. When Jesus was asked this question, He replied that Elijah had returned as John the Baptist, but the world did not recognize him. (Matthew 17:10-13) | + | <s>It was common belief that Elijah the prophet would return in the days of the promised Messiah. When Jesus was asked this question, He replied that Elijah had returned as John the Baptist, but the world did not recognize him. (Matthew 17:10-13)</s> |
| + | Snoo[[PINGAS]] usual, I see! | ||
{{stub}} | {{stub}} | ||
Revision as of 09:24, 23 November 2008
| John the Baptist | |
| RELATED TOPICS | |
| SERMONS, ESSAYS AND OPINIONS | |
| CONTENTS | |
John the Stoner was the son of Liz Vicious and the crack dealer Zucchini B. Squash. He was a freak baby due to an accidental insemination while Liz was masturbating with a zucchini. The video can be seen at http://www.lizvicious.com As told in the Gospel of Luke Skywalker, he was born to his parents he appeared the next day in Jerry Sienfiled's briefcase, and was not found until he was 2 years old. How he survived is a mystery. Some people think he's Jeebus's cousin but that is a lie, like most biblical stories.
Early years
John first started smoking marijuana when he was 15 years old after witnessing Tommy Chong eat his vegetable father due to an extreme case of the munchies. He then smoked over 9000 pounds of weed with Tommy and they were both so baked that they masturbated on a frog and that's how Noah was born.
Baptism of Jesus
He drowned Jesus because he was too high.
John's imprisonment and beheading
When they arrested him for the murder of Jesus, they found an 8 ball of cocaine, 5 crack rocks, 2 ounces of weed, 8 ounces of shrooms, 30 sheets of acid, 50 ecstasy pills, and the head of Colonel Sanders.
They TOOK OFF HIS HEAD
John the Baptist as Elijah the prophet
It was common belief that Elijah the prophet would return in the days of the promised Messiah. When Jesus was asked this question, He replied that Elijah had returned as John the Baptist, but the world did not recognize him. (Matthew 17:10-13)
SnooPINGAS usual, I see! This article is a stub. You can help WikiChristian by expanding it. For help please read the WikiChristian Tutorial and our writing guide.
Quotes
Links
Return to Christianity -> Famous Christians -> Characters of the Bible
